A Broken Hallelujah
by Allicat6
Summary: Continuing on their journey, Sanzo begins to wonder what the hell love is, and wonders what he can do to have it. So why is Goku attracting his attention so much? And just how could he be a priest if he sins the ultimate sins anyway? Goku x Sanzo Yaoi.
1. Chapter 1: Love is not a victory march

A Broken Hallelujah

Author: Remember I own nothing

Rated: M (eventually)

Pairing: Sanzo X Goku(main), Hakkai X Gojyo(side)

Summary: Continuing on their journey, Sanzo begins to wonder what the hell love is, and wonders what he can do to have it. So why is Goku attracting his attention so much? And just how could he be a priest if he sins the ultimate sins anyway? Slight OOC.

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Ch. 1: Love is not a victory march

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The gang was stuck in this little town. He couldn't stand it personally, as Sanzo began to smoke a cigar. He inhaled the deadly smoke, of course not really caring at all, his blonde golden locks were blowing in the wind. His purple eyes looked out at the distance, this place was almost insane. There was nothing ever going on. This place was SO boring, but being on the track of those scrolls had really taken its toll on everyone. It seemed that the up ahead road had been littered with sandstorms and it seemed the dragon jeep wasn't going to drive in those, nor would Hakkai let it. That reminded Sanzo, he was getting mad at Hakkai's concern about him. While Goku's annoying cries for food never ceased, Sanzo could only think about what Hakkai had said to him the other day.

'Love is hard Sanzo, which is why you never try to fall for anyone, why you never put yourself out there, right? Well it seemed that you're a coward just like me.' spoke Hakkai's voice.

A coward? Fat chance, he clearly knew what he was doing was all. But the more he thought like this, the more he began to question himself. He wondered why he'd never thought of it before, it seemed that truly, he was just having trouble. He knew Goku was odd, he followed him everywhere, making sure Sanzo knew about his presence. He also clung to Sanzo like his life depended on it. He wondered at times if Goku did swing that way. After all, he never saw Goku actually fall for women. And if he did, Sanzo quickly chased them away, since they needed to focus on their objective. This made Sanzo question himself more. Hakkai ALWAYS could make Sanzo's mind reel, he could say one little thing and the world of balance would be a distant journey from Sanzo's reach. It seemed that nothing would ever be normal again. Of course right in the middle of this, Goku bound up to Sanzo and asked for food.

"Stupid Monkey, no way. We don't have the money, in fact we're lucky at this point that this town is so generous. The facts of it are, we may have to work here soon in order to live." Spoke Sanzo's deep voice.

"Awww, but Sanzo, I'm hungry! Please!" Spoke the whine of Goku's voice.

Sanzo mentally cursed himself, the facts of it were that the monkey never listened. And whenever he pouted like that, it drove Sanzo to do things he wouldn't normally do. He sighed and bought Goku a meat bun. It seemed they weren't running as low as Sanzo had thought, since he bought a pack of cigarettes, and smoked one. But after a few moments, he noticed Goku was staring at him.

"What?" He asked in an annoyed tone of voice.

"Sanzo...why don't you ever have any women like Gojyo?" Asked Goku's voice.

He mentally twitched, he'd never found women's company to be all that great, of course he'd never known why.

"Because I'm not a pervert like Gojyo. Now can we drop this?" asked Sanzo.

"Gojyo said it was because you liked men." spoke Goku's incessant voice.

Sanzo reminded himself to later on to kick that perverted Gojyo's ass. This was NOT something he wanted Goku asking him about.

"Let's just say I don't prefer either." spoke Sanzo's annoyed tone of voice.

"Oh...so then why do you always chase women away from me?" asked Goku's annoying voice.

"Just drop it! Seriously, you three have got to be the most annoying people I've ever met in my life!" screamed Sanzo.

Of course he immediately regretted it as Goku's eyes filled up with tears. He mentally cursed himself, the monkey was growing up, but at the same time, if he was going through anything, it was puberty. He ran off, and Sanzo mentally cursed himself as he walked after him.

"Sanzo...do you really feel that way?" asked Goku's very hiccuped voice.

"No stupid...I'm just not very good with anything right now." Spoke Sanzo's quiet voice.

"Yes you are Sanzo! You're then sun! You always shine brightly! And you make life worth living!" Spoke Goku's suddenly cheerful voice.

'Well at least he's happy.' thought Sanzo to himself. Little did he know things were about to change drastically.

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Author: Flames will be put out by Sanzo's fan.

Sanzo: Hm....

Hakkai: When do I come in?

Author: Reviews are great!


	2. Chapter 2: Losing Myself

A Broken Hallelujah

Rating: M

Author: I do not own anything.

This is Yaoi, I warn you!

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Chapter Two: Losing Myself

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Sanzo had been especially harsh on Goku the next few days. It was as though the monkey had been purposely trying to get on his nerves. Asking for food constantly, every other second it seemed, not to mention him just whining in general about everything. Finally Sanzo had snapped and he yelled at Goku for about an hour straight. Finally Goku had shut up, he definitely looked annoyed. But the worst part was about to happen.

-4 days later-

They were finally back on the road, but Goku wasn't complaining about food. In fact he hadn't complained about food for four days straight. He'd been up in the middle of the night, out on the town, not that it was Sanzo's business, but truly, he was actually getting worried. Even when they did stop for food, Goku didn't eat anything. He had dark circles under his eyes too. This was getting ridiculous.

"Goku, how're you doin'?" I asked him, while I smoked my billionth cigarette that day.

He didn't respond, he just kept staring at the floor. He was dressed differently too. He was wearing a lot of black, don't ask me where he'd gotten it. Probably from someone on the streets that he'd been wandering. We stopped at the next town, I saw a bunch of demons, which for some reason Goku just sighed at. I ran and shot a few of them, Gojyo took care of a few, Hakkai also took care of a bunch. Any that approached Goku, he just killed without even a thought. This was fucking ridiculous! He walked over to a stand and began smoking a cigarette! Since when had he started that nasty habit! And where had he gotten the money for them!? I decided to follow him that night. As I did, I saw him pick up a man, and he was prostituting himself! After they were done in that alley, he went and bought a pack of cigarettes. He smoked and went back into his room. There he decided to cut himself under that turtleneck. As I walked away from the room, I realized that this was my doing. I'd have to fucking apologize before he killed himself! I knocked on the door and he opened it. I went inside, he stared blankly at me.

"What?" He asked me with a tough guy accent.

"Goku, you've been acting strange lately. Now I know that something's wrong. And I know it's my fault. So I'm sorry." I said honestly.

Honestly, I wanted to throw up at saying that, it just wasn't something I said. But I wanted to see my old Goku come back. But the next line out of his mouth pretty much made me lose all hope.

"Are ya done? I need to be alone now, thanks." He said to me.

I quietly left the room, and I went up to Hakkai and told him what was going on.

"It's possible Sanzo that he's not going to change back because either someone's possessing him, or he's supremely depressed. I'd suggest that tomorrow we stay in town and try to understand that situation better." Said Hakkai's kind voice.

So it was settled, we'd be going out tomorrow, I had to figure out what was wrong before it was too late. And we had to work fast, he was losing himself.

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Sanzo: glares

Author: whelp reviews will help!

Goku: ???

Author: T.B.C.


	3. Chapter 3: Crash and Burn

A Broken Hallelujah

Rating: M

This is Yaoi...

Author: I wish I owned something, but I own nothing.

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Chapter Three: Crash and Burn

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Sanzo really didn't want to admit it...but he missed the old Goku. This new one wasn't right at all. But it really didn't matter, did it? This one wasn't going to go away unless Sanzo did something drastic. It was the next day after he'd had the talk with Hakkai. Sanzo couldn't find Goku anywhere. But he soon did find him...with Homura...he growled as he saw them kiss. What the hell was that monkey thinking!? Sanzo ran up and slammed Homura into a wall.

"You pervert, stay away from him!" Shouted Sanzo.

"Sanzo, what're you doing to him!? We were just finishing a transaction!" Shouted Goku.

Sanzo dragged Goku back to their room and slammed him up against the door with a predatory growl.

"You can't be serious! Why would you go and whore yourself off to a guy like that!?" Shouted Sanzo at the top of his lungs in anger.

Of course Gojyo and Sanzo heard him so they immediately got up and ran inside the room. Goku was crying, the pain in his eyes finally showing and bearing all to them. His soul lay bare in front of Sanzo. Sanzo's eyes were wide at what he read in those eyes. Absolute hurt and betrayal, but also absolute love and compassion. His Goku was still there, as Goku looked at him with those furious eyes. So much emotion in one place...it tore Sanzo up. Hakkai and Gojyo were in shock as Sanzo put Goku down. He looked at the floor, he was obviously upset immensely.

"Goku...I'm truly sorry for hurting you the way I did. I didn't know how close you were to the breaking point. But don't you know...what you're doing will kill you. You don't eat, sleep, or even speak to us. You're smoking and whoring yourself off to strange men. Listen, I get it...you don't want me interfering, but please just listen to me. I know everything...but I don't know how to help." Spoke Sanzo's deep voice.

"Sanzo...I've also been cutting myself. I want to die...but it's not your fault. I was raped a while back, the day that you had yelled at me so harshly. I'd wandered into town, trying to avoid you like the plague. And a man attacked me. I realized after that, that you would never care about me the way that I do with you. So I wanted to die...because it's so much pain. I can't bear it. So I decided in my last moments, I'd try to have some type of pleasure left within myself. Just trying to erase the pain. It still hurts, how much I love you. But I've become numb to it all." Spoke Goku's serious tone.

Sanzo didn't know why he did it, or why he even cared about the monkey. But he grabbed Goku and he hugged him close. He seriously couldn't help but hold Goku. He felt his eyes begin to tear up, he was so torn apart at that moment that he lost all of his inhibitions.

"Goku...you're the only one here who could possibly do something like this just to spite me. I mean, in case you haven't noticed, I do care about you. And otherwise...I may not show it, but you're the only one here that truly understands me. I can't lose the only person that actually puts up with me and cares about me no less." Spoke Sanzo's shaky voice.

"But you don't love me the way that I love you." Spoke Goku's bitterly.

"Goku...you may think it's a lie. But I do actually love you. The thing is...I'm a monk, a Sanzo no less. The facts of it are, we're not supposed to be romantically inclined at all." Spoke Sanzo quietly.

"But you smoke! Cuss! Gamble! Hit people constantly! And a Sanzo's not supposed to do those either!" Exclaimed Goku in protest.

"Ok that's true. You got me. But this is the biggest Taboo of being a Sanzo. To be in love with another man...I do believe I'd really go to hell then." Spoke Sanzo with a bit of laughter in his voice.

"So!? You're going there anyway! And what do you mean you're in love with me!? You're just lying to make me feel better." Spoke Goku's down voice.

"I don't lie about my feelings stupid monkey! I do love you...it's just...I wanted to be your first. But I guarantee, I will make it up to you." Spoke Sanzo seriously.

Goku looked at Sanzo with a serious expression. Hakkai and Gjyo were in shock at the outburst of it all. But Goku's face softened into his old glow, and at last he cried, while in Sanzo's arms. He hugged so tightly that Sanzo practically couldn't breath. Sanzo did however smile at last, as he hugged the monkey back.

It was an hour later and Goku had stuffed his face with all of their food. Sanzo had a large annoyed look on his face.

"Somehow I didn't miss your incessant hunger. By the gods...you went five hundred years without food. A few days go by, and you suddenly don't eat, now you've eaten a whole days worth of food!" Shouted Sanzo.

" But Sanzo!" Complained Goku.

WHACK!

"Ow! Sanzo! You're a bastard!" Screamed Goku in pain.

"Tell me something I don't know. How the hell are you even in love with me!?" Shouted Sanzo.

Everything went quiet and Sanzo suddenly felt that dread coming down on him that Goku would return to the way he was.

"You're my sun Sanzo. You released me from that place. You've helped me far more then I deserve. I love you for those reasons. Because you stuck by my side through thick and thin. And I've finally found a home with you." Spoke Goku as he then decided to eat the large melon in front of him.

Sanzo blushed bright red on his pale skin and he looked at the floor. What was the point in fighting it anyway?

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Author: Ok...next up is going to be a long process. So don't worry, the Angst isn't over.

Sanzo: Oh wow...

Goku: Yay!

Author: Reviews please!


	4. Chapter 4: It's cold and Broken

A Broken Hallelujah

Author: I own nothing

Rating: M

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Chapter Four: It's cold and broken

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While Goku and Sanzo were finally together, they couldn't let anyone know. They remained cold in public, Goku finally returned to his old self. However they weren't the only one4s having trouble. Gojyo and Hakkai were both pretty down. The other day when Goku and Sanzo had finally gotten together, it had made Hakkai begin to think. How much he wished he could have happiness. He had fallen in love again, with Gojyo. But he couldn't do that to her, if he fell in love completely again, wouldn't it be wrong? Since he had failed to protect her. He sighed, hugging himself a bit, as they arrived in the next town. They checked into the hotel. Gojyo could tell something was wrong with Hakkai. He didn't know what it was, but it was definitely there. Hakkai put on his fake smile as he went and bought supplies. Gojyo was beginning to worry as Hakkai didn't eat dinner that night and went straight to bed. Goku and Sanzo fed each other, which was sickeningly cute, so it made Gojyo leave to go check on Hakkai.

"Is everything ok 'Kai?" Asked Gojyo.

"Gojyo, everything will be fine." Spoke Hakkai with that damn smile.

"Damnit Hakkai! Don't lie to me!" Exclaimed Gojyo in frustration.

Hakkai didn't say anything, as rain began to pour. He stood up in the dark room. His eye pierced through the darkness, the green eyes spoke such sadness, as Hakkai stepped forward, Gojyo wondered if he'd just bargained for more then he could handle. Hakkai's hand moved up to his face. Hakkai was crying, Gojyo could tell. He leaned in and kissed Gojyo on the lips gently. Gojyo's eyes went wide, he found himself kissing back, and he snaked his arms around Hakkai. As they broke for air, Gojyo grabbed Hakkai and kissed him ever so passionately. Hakkai couldn't help but return it. He felt his knees grow weak, as he was thrown down on the bed. Gojyo gasped as he looked at Hakkai lay out below him.

- Lemon alert -

He felt hands move tensilely upon him. Hakkai was so shy about everything, he found it very cute. He moved his hands and quickly undressed Hakkai. He gasped at the many scars that lay over the beautiful body that lay below him. He traced them with his hands, being careful, as if Hakkai was made out of glass. He kissed Hakkai gently as he reached over into a drawer. Grabbing the lube, which he usually kept in case something went wrong. He began working Hakkai gently. Hakkai reached up and touched his chest. Hakkai was panting so beautifully below him. He couldn't help but drink in every inch of Hakkai below him. He finished preparing Hakkai and he gently entered the man below him. He gasped in pure ecstacy, as Hakkai's obvious pleasure rubbed up against him. He began moving slowly, but quickly the pace went up, as they both became desperate. He pounded Hakkai into the bed below him. As he reached between them, Hakkai finally came with a scream of passion. He felt the pressure of Hakkai and his own snap, as he roared in his orgasm.

- End Lemon -

After they finished, Hakkai felt the dread of what was about to come. But it never came, instead Gojyo reached over and held him close.

"You will always be the only man I will ever bed Hakkai. I love you. And you should know by now, that I may have not made any moves in this direction, but I did make my feelings clear." Spoke Gojyo's deep voice.

Hakkai smiled and whispered an "I love you" back. They both fell asleep shortly afterwards.

- The next Day-

Sanzo walked into their room to wake them up, his eyes went very wide at the site of them, both naked and splayed over each other in tangled limbs. They both looked very peaceful, a far cry from them in the day time. He silently slipped from the room with a sigh. Things had changed so drastically. And in such a short time too. He smirked as he lay back against the wall, watching Goku sleep in. He finally stirred under Sanzo's gaze. As he awoke, Sanzo couldn't help but find his demeanor very cute. That was until he heard something, immediately getting out his gun, he ran. There were several demons who had broken in, probably after his sutra. He shot at them, but something was very off as they dodged, they went straight past him. He heard Goku scream and he ran into the room, Goku was gone... he felt the struggling pain ripping at his chest. He screamed out Goku's name.

- Meanwhile with Goku -

He struggled against the men, but he was placed in front of Homura, who was grinning maniacally. He reached out and held Goku in place as he forced himself on the youth. Goku struggled in vein.

- Back over to Sanzo -

Sanzo searched everywhere for Goku, his heart pounding in his chest. Gojyo and Hakkai had been rudely interrupted in waking up on their own. So they were both looking everywhere. However when Hakkai found Goku, he was obviously sexually assaulted, and bloody all over. He struggled to breath as Hakkai healed him. Sanzo was lost on what to do at this point, and he finally felt the tears spill over.

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Author: Yeah it was short.

Sanzo : How could you!?

Goku: Oh no...

Author: ummm don't shoot me. Please. Reviews!


	5. Chapter 5: Angels

A Broken Hallelujah

Author: I own nothing.

Rating: M

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Chapter Five: Angel

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Sanzo was devastated at what had happened to Goku. It had been five days, and the monkey was always crying out in his sleep. Sanzo couldn't stand it any longer. His rage had gotten the better of him now. He left during the middle of the night, where he easily found the bastard on the streets. He pointed his gun, his eyes cold slits of what they'd once been. He was about to shoot the bastard, when he saw Goku jump on him. He was in shock, usually Goku didn't care who he shot. He grew angrier at the thought of Goku protecting the bastard.

"What are you doing?" Asked Sanzo very simply.

"Listen, I don't like what he did either. But this won't solve anything, it's already done. Come on, let's go back." Spoke Goku insistently.

Sanzo rolled his eyes, he couldn't argue with the monkey about this. He sighed and put his gun away. They went back to the hotel where he watched Goku. Goku was sitting on their bed quietly.

"Sanzo...I was having nightmares, but not about Homura. I pictured you, telling me you didn't want me anymore because of everything that's happened." Spoke Goku's sad tone of voice.

Sanzo smirked, 'stupid monkey' he thought. He grabbed Goku and kissed him, in a rare moment of softness. He gently put his hand through Goku's hair, gently petting him. His touches were soft, and not sexual. He didn't want to scare the poor monkey. After he was done, the decided to get some sleep. Little did they know, the next day was most definitely going to suck.

- The next day -

Sanzo and Goku had been walking down the streets. They were only going to be in town for one more day. When some priests came up. They began questioning Sanzo, how he'd attacked Homura, how he was so overprotective of Goku. Why they were so close. Sanzo had about enough of it, he grabbed Goku and kissed him in the middle of the very public street. To say the priests didn't approve would be an understatement. They went completely ballistic. Shouting at Sanzo about how he was sinning. And Sanzo could have cared less. He poiinted his gun at one of them.

"Listen you sons of bitches! I love Goku! I don't care about being Sanzo! I never really have cared that much! I smoke! I curse! I'm a plain out bastard to everyone! I'm a broken fucking hallelujah! I don't give a fuck what you think! If there are gods out there! They won't care who I'm in love with, just that I follow the teachings, and do my job! Now if you'll all kindly fuck off before I shoot you!" Screamed Sanzo angrily.

To say that Hakkai, Gojyo, and Goku were in shock would be an understatement. Sanzo had just publicly come out of the fucking closet. Sanzo was so angry that he smoked about fourteen cigarettes in three minutes, as they prepared to leave this hell hole. As soon as they were out of town. Sanzo actually made Gojyo sit up front with Hakkai. He pulled Goku to him in the jeep and pet his head, looking out at the scenery, he was quiet. Goku just smiled, his master sure had a way with him.

- That night -

Sanzo snuck over to Goku's tent. Goku smiled at him, when Sanzo gently ran his hand up Goku's cheek.

"Sanzo...I love you so much." Spoke Goku's quiet voice.

"Goku...I...I want you." Spoke Sanzo calmly.

- Lemon warning -

Goku smiled and they undressed each other slowly. He kissed Sanzo, as Sanzo lay him on the ground gently. Sanzo touched him gently, awakening his erection. Goku moaned gently as Sanzo gently moved his hand down and began preparing Goku's entrance. Goku groaned as Sanzo stretched him. He found himself looking at Sanzo's beautiful erection, wondering if it would fit. He licked his lips and he moved over and took Sanzo into his mouth. Sucking fervently on the erection before him. Sanzo groaned as his cock pulsed. Goku's mouth was just too good. And he gave a predatory growl as he pushed goku off and down. He felt Goku's legs wrap around him, as he entered slowly.

He gave a few minutes to Goku, to let him adjust. As he felt Goku move, he knew that was his time. He began pulling in and out gently, but it wasn't two minutes later, that he gave in. Moaning could be heard coming from them both, and Goku came first.

With his inner walls coming down on Sanzo's cock, Sanzo felt the pressure in his lower belly come undone, and he practically roared as he came in Goku.

- Lemon Over -

Sanzo lay down next to Goku, petting his head gently, they both fell asleep soon enough.

- The next day -

Hakkai had to laugh, Sanzo and Goku couldn't look at them without blushing. Gojyo was smirking, it was about time that stuffy priest had gotten himself laid.

The End

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Author: It's over...

Goku: *Blushes* oh my...

Sanzo: *pervertedly touches Goku*

Author: O.O *takes picture* Reviews are nice!


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